So yesterday was Valentine's Day, a day I normally dive into with enthusiasm. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I am a hopeless romantic. I love being in love. Now before I get reprimanded for that comment, let me explain. I don't mean being in love just to be in love either. It is a meaningful love that I am talking about, one that just feels right, with no hesitations or doubt.I am a pretty independent woman. I by no means need a man to define who I am. I have learned over the last two years that I am perfectly capable of living an amazing life by myself. However, it does get lonely sometimes. I mean, why have this wonderful life, if I don't have someone amazing to share it with. Of course I have the most incredible family and friends a girl could ask for and I am so happy to share my life with them. But, late at night, when I'm alone in my room (randomly LL Cool J's song "I Need Love " just popped into my head, how fitting),
I miss having someone close by to just be there with. The intimacy of a committed relationship was always so important to me. Not just for the physical aspects, but for the psychological ones as well. Just knowing I had that someone there, meant the world to me. It's funny because the way I feel about it, I can't even put it into words. I just have the urge to hug someone so tightly to infuse those feelings into them in hopes that they could possibly even try to fathom it. If I even attempted to try and verbalize it, I think I would describe it as being on a rush or a really good high. I can just feel the love swelling up in my heart. I know I probably sound pretty sappy, but that's me. I have love pouring out of me naturally and to me it is one of the best feelings ever. . again, I am the hopeless romantic. I mean, after all, I was the little girl who dreamed of Prince Charming sweeping me off my feet.A month ago I had dinner with some good friends of mine and it was there that the reflection of my loneliness was cast into the light for me to see. As I looked around the 
table I realized every single person that was there was either married with a baby, married with a baby on the way, or engaged to someone and then...there was me. I had a minor breakdown of sorts, I felt like everyone was passing me by very quickly, almost in blur and I was standing in the same place in the middle of all it, unable to really move as I watched them. However, I also realized as anxious as I am to move forward as well. I am NOT going to settle or throw myself at some random person just because I have anxiety over starting a family later in life than I had originally planned. My path may not be the one I envisioned, but maybe that's because it's going to be even better than I had initially thought it would be. I like to think there are bigger plans set out for me, than I had set for myself.
Over the last few weeks after that dinner, I did some soul searching. Being single when you're almost 32 is quite different than being single when you're 22. I feel like the opportunities to meet someone are fewer and far between. There are times when I wish I could have stayed 25 forever, but in a cruel twist of fate I've discovered that in my 30's I have really
began to understand who I am. I chalk some of that up to the fact that I've been single for a couple of years and some of it to the fact that with age I have become to understand the world around me a little better. I've also began to understand who I am on the inside as well. And who is that person on the inside you ask? Well, it's the same old me, with a few modifications I guess. I'm a little more jaded, a little more cautious now, but only because I know I deserve someone who will love me back the way that I will love them. Despite all of my reservations about finding Mr. Right, I still wear my heart on my sleeve. I guess some things will never change.
and that it won't be forever. I know someone is out there waiting patiently for me too. In the meantime, until he comes along and changes my world, I plan to enjoy the life I have now and learn more about myself. That way when he does show up, I am ready to give that love I have bottled up inside and feel that rush I love so much. I know it will be worth the wait in the end. 