You Can Count On Me

I have received so much positive feedback from my first blog, it's a bit intimidating. Thank you so much everyone for your support and praise, it really made me smile. I plan to make this a weekly update blog and so I hope it does just that..you know, update you on my life and thoughts...but I hope it does so much more than that. I hope to inspire, to amuse, to make you think, and really I hope to make you laugh. After all, I love a good laugh.

Whenever times get tough we depend on the people in our lives who care about us. I know recently I have leaned on and at times pretty much collapsed on, my family and friends. The beauty of it is that they have been there to listen to me, to wipe my tears, to tell me it will get better, to make me laugh, and to keep me from having a raging pity party. Without them, this whole break-up scenario would be so much worse then it already is.

It's really amazing who comes through for you when you go through something bad. Sometimes the people who show up for you are surprising and sometimes the lack of certain people...is pretty disappointing. I know better then the next person that we all have struggles, we all have important things going on in our lives, but honestly, if you can't be there for a friend in their time of need, if even in a small way, who are you there for? And when it comes your turn to lean on someone, who do you expect to be there for you?

Philosopher and poet, Ralph Waldo once said

"The way to have a friend is to be a friend".

So true...

When it is all said and done though, it goes back to love. I love my family and friends and I would never want to take them for granted or see them suffer. The love we show one another can make a difference and however small or large that difference is...it impacts our lives. Do you really want to be the person who has had the least amount of impact on the life of someone you love?
I hope not...because...

I don't mean to sound preachy or condescending in any way, I just think we all need a reminder sometimes to make certain people in our lives higher on our priority list. And if we chose not to that's okay too, as long as we don't expect to be very high on theirs either.

Whatever the case may be, I am grateful for any and all support that has come my way. Those of you who have been there for me in whatever capacity, you know who are...thank you from the bottom of my heart, it means so much more to me than words could ever say. Please know that in your times of need...you can count on me as I have been able to count on you.

Until next time...xoxo

Re-Invention

When I was a little girl I had such romantic notions on how true love should be. I believed in "happily ever after" and prince charming. It's saddening how jaded I have become about the whole situation. I am a 29 year old woman who finds herself thrust back into the world, single and not quite ready to mingle. It's such a strange place to find myself in. When you are part of a couple for as long as I have been, the word "me" seems so foreign and lonely. I can't imagine loving someone that deeply again without being afraid of getting hurt. As if being alone would be easier. But, don't count me out as a spinster just yet, I believe I will find love again.

It may seem odd that I would post something so personal and intimate about myself here. But in an odd way, I feel as if I am cleansing my soul, eradicating all the bits and pieces stuck inside me that are holding onto to what "used to be". It is as if my words on the screen make what is happening more real and it is allowing me to find peace with it all. My relationship with Malakai has been somewhat of a rollercoaster ride, ups and downs, highs and lows, too many twists and turns.

Our love affair started when I was 16. The football player and the cheerleader, we were destined to be the stereotypical "high school sweethearts". So young and naive to think I had found "the one". I held onto him like he was the only prince charming in all the land. But, I believed and loved with my whole heart until it hurt, a quality I still pride myself on for the most part. Coulda, shoulda, wouldas...do I regret the length and history of him and I? Well...no, I am the woman I am today because of it. He taught me so much and it wasn't as if the entire relationship was doomed, it had its really wonderful moments for a long time.

I do know however, that I lost some of me in the whole relationship process. I lost the girl who was independent and confident. I hadn't been really taking care of myself because I was always so worried about Malakai. His demons became mine...until now. Taking a step back I look in the mirror today and think...where did you go? Come back and get back in the game of life, it's time to live for you now.

So here begins the blog of an almost thirtysomething, beginning again, starting over. I always assumed I would start this blog once I got married, but since that isn't happening anytime soon, why not start now? I invite you to join me on my journey of self-discovery as I begin to re-invent myself and attempt find love again in this city of angels.