Re-Invention

When I was a little girl I had such romantic notions on how true love should be. I believed in "happily ever after" and prince charming. It's saddening how jaded I have become about the whole situation. I am a 29 year old woman who finds herself thrust back into the world, single and not quite ready to mingle. It's such a strange place to find myself in. When you are part of a couple for as long as I have been, the word "me" seems so foreign and lonely. I can't imagine loving someone that deeply again without being afraid of getting hurt. As if being alone would be easier. But, don't count me out as a spinster just yet, I believe I will find love again.

It may seem odd that I would post something so personal and intimate about myself here. But in an odd way, I feel as if I am cleansing my soul, eradicating all the bits and pieces stuck inside me that are holding onto to what "used to be". It is as if my words on the screen make what is happening more real and it is allowing me to find peace with it all. My relationship with Malakai has been somewhat of a rollercoaster ride, ups and downs, highs and lows, too many twists and turns.

Our love affair started when I was 16. The football player and the cheerleader, we were destined to be the stereotypical "high school sweethearts". So young and naive to think I had found "the one". I held onto him like he was the only prince charming in all the land. But, I believed and loved with my whole heart until it hurt, a quality I still pride myself on for the most part. Coulda, shoulda, wouldas...do I regret the length and history of him and I? Well...no, I am the woman I am today because of it. He taught me so much and it wasn't as if the entire relationship was doomed, it had its really wonderful moments for a long time.

I do know however, that I lost some of me in the whole relationship process. I lost the girl who was independent and confident. I hadn't been really taking care of myself because I was always so worried about Malakai. His demons became mine...until now. Taking a step back I look in the mirror today and think...where did you go? Come back and get back in the game of life, it's time to live for you now.

So here begins the blog of an almost thirtysomething, beginning again, starting over. I always assumed I would start this blog once I got married, but since that isn't happening anytime soon, why not start now? I invite you to join me on my journey of self-discovery as I begin to re-invent myself and attempt find love again in this city of angels.